Small bits of Smaller Universes
I honestly can’t be bothered with how your day went, so I’ll tell you about mine.
The first words I heard this morning were there’s fresh coffee in the kitchen if you can splurge 5 minutes before you need to leave.
So I drank that damn good coffee and listened to Springsteen’s miracle and oh boy.
Suddenly my heart is filled with love and that oh-so-fleeting feeling of home.
I spend my day fueled by nothing but love and I spend my day in awe for how amazing all of it is.
The pale blue sky, the cold air, I’m breathing with an ecstatic lust for life, even the trees, so dead, even them… even them and everything else is fucking beautiful today.
In the spirit of us, I could shout the beauty from the rooftop. Nice try, rooftops are only meant for secrets and stolen kisses and shared smokes and beers and joints.
In the spirit of me, I shun the beauty in my soul, it’s mine, mine, only mine, I smile my eyes at it, and I just feel it —I feel every second of it, and fuck, it’s great to be alive.
And then I get madly in love with the city.
My new home constantly feels wrong in every way, but today I love everything that is fucked up about it. Today is also the day I laugh at the stupidity of it all.
Asking so much from a city, like you would ask from a lover.
To make you feel safe, to make you feel like you belong, to give you cool pubs and interesting humans, and pretty buildings, and crazy sunsets…after all, it’s just a city, fuck it, go live your own sunset, pretty girl.
But today, even the city is different, its smell, its energy, its just…so, so everything.
Today, the city that feels like a pebble in my shoe, is bustling with life, its streets are walked on by so many people. Each jailed in such complex cardboard boxes.
I love how each one of us grows a private little Universe inside.
From the complex nervous systems and the machine-like functionality of our insane brains. From our bones, and particularities of our faces, to the intricate ways of the mind.
From the tiny bits of broken hearts to the traumas, from the failures to the victories, from the drunken kisses to the magnitude of our ideas, we are all entire Universes, aimlessly floating around, in a much bigger Universe.
Deaf and blind to our little struggles and dramas and tears of happines and cries of agony.
None of it actually matters in the macro-sense.
There’s no deeper meaning to it all, no greater plan, we are not lambs of god, nor wolves of Odin, there is no after-life or a heaven or hell, not even a Valhalla…
Everything just is, here and now, and how could you not love the indifference of it all?
Do you ever stop and think how random everything is? I’m talking about what makes us who we truly are, every you and every me.
Did your jaw ever drop when you realized that, at the core, we’re just random mercurial meat-bags, held alive by nothing but pure energy and sheer will?
How could you not feel love in every last blood cell when you think that every one of us can be reduced to the same atoms, but we are all still so unique and full of potential?
We are all precious small Universes, bumping awkwardly into one another, rushing on the dirty side walk, searching for our dreams between cigarette buds and last-night’s hookups.
Shackled and drawn to each other by nothing but luck, circumstances and hormones.
Why should you even try to wipe the smile off your face, when there are still so many roads not taken, stories uncovered, songs in the making?
Today my feet walked to their own song, towards the promised land and they didn’t tire one bit.
Today my eyes wandered around my city of ruins and only saw beauty, hope and anticipation.
Today the music was thunder, the sky was fireworks, the sunset was the sea, the heart grew bigger, everything was just X squared infinity.
Today I went to bed with a lesson unlearned and with the bad thought out of sight, out of mind.
Today I was really, really hungry for life.
Unconsumed, unprocessed and unatoned for.